Soy Sauce
by Coco Gash Jirachi
Summary: AU. Set before the series. Team Satisfaction has just finished eating their dinner. With a little bit of soy sauce left, Jack then proceeds to dare Crow. Things get off track. CRACKFIC! Implied KiryuxCrow and JackxYusei. Rated M for sexual themes.


_**Soy Sauce**_

_**By Coco Gash Jirachi**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own 5D's, but I own the moment that inspired this!**_

_**Summary: AU. Set before the series. Team Satisfaction has just finished eating their dinner. With a little bit of soy sauce left, Jack then proceeds to dare Crow. Things get off track. CRACKFIC! Implied KiryuxCrow and JackxYusei. Rated M for sexual themes.**_

Gash: **_THE FOLLOWING HAPPENED AT MY DINNER TABLE LAST NIGHT:_**

**Gash: (Turns the teriyaki sauce bottle upside-down, watching it gather at the bottle neck before flipping it back over onto its bottom)**

**Justin: Hey, Leyla! (He actually says my real name, not my alias) I dare you to open the bottle and put a drop on your tongue!**

**Gash: Thanks, but no thanks. I did something like that once and-**

**Jesse: (Chokes on his soda and looks at me with a shocked face) _WHAT?_**

**Gash: o.o _OH MY GOD!_ (Smacks him and then smacks hands onto face) _YOU ARE SO-_**

**Justin: When did you drink straight teriyaki sauce?**

**Gash: Two nights ago, remember? Ew, the cringing I did... that was a huge mistake.**

**Momma: (Seems to have been ignoring this all)**

Gash: **_AND NOW I MUST WRITE THIS!_**

Skylar: So now...

Gash: It is time...

Skylar: To go...

Gash and Skylar: **_ON WITH THE FIC!_**

Mimi: Pyupyu Pyu Pyupyupyu pyu pyu pyu Pyu-Pyu-Pyu Pyupyu's! (Translation: "Coco Gash Jirachi does not own Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's!")

* * *

"Yusei, Crow! That was delicious!"

Said boys smiled half-heartedly, sweat-dropping a bit as Kiryu and Jack covered their mouths with their hands, each letting out a loud burp. Well, at least they would have been loud if not for their spontaneous manners.

"Glad you liked it." Yusei answered.

"I'm stuffed..." Jack said, laying on the floor, his rump still seated on his tatami mat. "I couldn't eat another bite if I tried..."

"What, you don't want any rice pudding with soy sauce tonight?" Yusei asked. "Have you loosened your belt yet?"

Jack let out a little burp, his hands patting his stomach.

"No. That comes later, remember?"

Yusei bit the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping at the blonde as Kiryu started laughing, holding his sides.

"Actually, I think we'll just have to settle for plain pudding tonight." Crow said, reaching for the soy sauce bottle in the middle of the table. "There isn't much left. I'd say it's not even enough for a serving of rice."

_"Maaaan..."_ Jack whined. "So now we can't even pretend we're eating fancy sushi for dessert?" he asked as he sat up.

"I'm kind of sick of rice pudding with soy sauce myself." Crow said, turning the soy sauce bottle upside-down, watching the last of the liquid salt inside of it gathering at the cap and neck of the bottle. "It has a sort of ballsy taste to it when you eat it all of the time or don't have a good pudding-to-sauce ratio."

"A what taste?" Jack questioned.

"Ballsy. A.K.A., it tastes like balls." Crow responded.

"You would know, wouldn't you, Blackbird?" Kiryu asked, having poured himself a drink of sake into a sake dish. After he spoke, he took a drink of the cool, alcoholic liquid.

Crow's eyes widened at his partner's comment, his cheeks turning bright, bright red. He kept his hands tucked between his crossed legs tightly, ducking his head down.

"Man, that shit's good!" Kiryu said, placing down his sake dish.

"Why do you guys always make me the butt of your jokes?" Crow asked.

"Because it's just so much fun, Crowy." Jack said with a wicked grin.

"And I love your butt, obviously." Kiryu added cheekily.

_**"Bluebird!"**_ Crow shrieked, sending him a very humiliated glare. His entire body seemed to be flushed entirely to red out of anger and embarrassment. Kiryu chuckled before he took another drink of sake.

"You're so fun to embarrass, Crow." Jack said.

Crow sighed, picking up the soy sauce bottle again. He turned it upside-down again, watching the sauce gather at the top before he turned it back over.

"Hey, Crow. You wanna make twenty bucks?" Jack asked.

_**"For the last time, I will not pose as a prostitute, Jack!"**_ Crow snapped.

"What, you act like I'm broke all the time?" Jack asked.

"Yes!" Crow responded. "Because we are!"

"Oh?"

Crow's eyes then became entranced by the twenty dollar bill Jack held up between two of his fingers. Given it was somewhat wrinkly, but none the less it was money.

"Where did you find that?..." Crow asked.

Jack smirked. He knew Crow's weak spot as a conniving thief couldn't resist something as beautiful as a twenty dollar bill. He probably had a stash of more stolen cash, and beginning to feel like he could do anything, would then spend the stolen money on things for himself and comrades. It was a win-win situation; make Crow humiliate himself, then he'd buy them stuff. What was there to argue?

"What if I told you I stole it from a male stripper's G-string?" Jack asked.

"Where it came from doesn't matter! It's money, damn it!" Crow responded, his eyes staring at the money with nearly lustful eyes.

"I thought so," Jack said. "All you need to do is a little dare."

Crow's face dead-panned to white. He sweat-dropped profusely.

"Why must you always have a catch to everything?..." Crow asked.

"C'mon, this will not be embarrassing at all." Jack said.

"That's what you said last time, and then I wound up naked on the roof the next morning with some random dogs sniffing me in inappropriate places!" Crow responded.

"That was for the last Twinkie, though. This is different."

Kiryu set down his sake dish again.

"I wonder how all of that even happened... ah, the wonders of what booze does to you." Kiryu said, shrugging it off.

"C'mon, Crow. Do you want the money or not?" Jack asked, swaying the bill to bribe the boy.

Crow's control lost. Something in his eyes showed that he snapped, and then he nodded.

_**"I want the money, I want the money, I want the money!"**_ he said.

"Okay, then," Jack said, bringing his hand down to his lap again. "Open the soy sauce bottle."

Crow tried not to question him, but he nodded and opened it anyway.

"Now," Jack lifted up his other hand, pretending he was holding a bottle. "Drink it."

"... Drink it?" Crow asked.

"Drink it!" Jack responded.

"... Jack, you do know that soy sauce is liquid salt, right? So that isn't exactly a healthy thing to do." Crow responded.

"Eh? But, Blackbird, didn't you do something like that last night?" Kiryu asked.

Yusei then choked on his soda, his eyes going wide before he took the can from his mouth. Swallowing the brown, carbonated liquid in his mouth, he then opened his mouth and pounded his fist onto his chest, coughing.

_**"What?"**_ Yusei asked, wide-eyed at the two.

"What are you talking about, Kiryu?" Crow asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Last night, didn't you do that with... uhm... what was that called again?" Kiryu asked before taking another sip of sake.

"How the hell should I remember? But whatever the hell it was, it was tangy." Crow responded.

Yusei covered his nose when he sneezed. He had a nosebleed.

"It was barbecue sauce!" Kiryu said, snapping his fingers. "That's it!"

"Yusei, what's with you?" Jack asked, picking up a napkin and bringing it to the other boy's face. "You're making a mess of your face! And that's my job!"

_**"Oh, shut the hell up!"**_ Yusei responded.

"... Wait a second," Kiryu raised an eyebrow at Yusei. "What did you think we were talking about?"

"Something inappropriate." Yusei responded simply before turning his head away from them. This allowed Jack to clean his face a little better. _**"... Damn it, Jack! I am not a toddler!"**_

"Hush up!" the blonde said.

_**"Oh my fucking God, you though we were talking about oral right in front of you, weren't ya?"**_ Kiryu asked. **_"You silly thing, you!"_**

"Yusei, get your mind out of the gutter... I think you've been hanging around Jack too much." Crow responded.

"So do you want the twenty bucks or what?" Jack asked as he pulled away from Yusei.

"Ppffth, hell yeah I want the cash!" Crow responded.

Before anything else could be said by anyone in the room, Crow tipped his head back and drank the soy sauce.

"Cough it up, Atlas!" Crow said, slamming his hand palm-up onto the table.

"Done deal." Jack responded, placing the bill in his hand.

"Crow, do you know how weird you are?" Yusei questioned.

"Worth it." Crow responded, wiping his mouth. "Totally worth it."

_"I'll give him some soy sauce later..."_ Kiryu mumbled to himself with his sake dish at his mouth.

"Did you say something?" Jack asked.

"Nope." Kiryu responded before he tilted his head back and drank down the sake in his dish.

_For Crow's sake, I hope he didn't say anything..._ Yusei thought.

* * *

_**THEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEEND!**_ :D

Gash: This was too stupid to make up! This seriously happened to me!

Zeon: At least what you wrote down at the beginning.

Gash: Yeah. I just elaborated on it a little more and changed it a bit. :3 But yay I wrote another crackfic!

Skylar: Yay for you! :3

Gash: If I can keep my mind flowing like this, I may be spouting them out more often than I have been lately!

Aki: You should probably finish your yaoi one-shots, though. Fan-girls will be happy when you do.

Gash: Yeah, and so will I, cuz lemons rock. :3

Aki: ... That's an awkward thing to say.

Gash: My **_MIDDLE NAME_** is Awkward! :P

Skylar: It is! :3

Gash: Anyways... _**REVIEW, PLEASE!**_

Mimi: **_PYUPYU, PYU!_** ^o^

Zeon: Review, or Kiryu will-

Kiryu: -O_O- _**GOD NO, MAN! DON'T GO THERE!**_

Zeon: - beat you at a children's card game.

Kiryu: ... Oh, good... I thought you were gonna say something weird.

Zeon: No. You lucked out because we've been watching the abridged series again.

* * *

_**AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR GASH-CHAN NOTES!**_ :D

Okay, so the whole rice pudding with soy sauce on it is something I pulled from **_Zatch Bell_**. The character Kiddo said that when you mix rice pudding and soy sauce together, it tastes like sushi... I believe he said sea urchin, but I don't remember.

When Crow said that the soy sauce and pudding combination tasted like balls, that was something I pulled from _**Shin Chan**_. Shin said that's what soy sauce and rice pudding tasted like, but I wouldn't know so I'll take his word for it.

I know in Japan, 91.96 yen is equal to the worth of 1 American dollar, but I didn't want to complicate everything... or say Jack was holding up a 1839.2 yen bill, so I just went with American money to keep things happy for everyone and so my brain wouldn't explode.

Unfortunately, Yusei, yes, Kiryu did say something.

Fact: In the universe called Anime/Manga, you have a bloody nose in every single situation where something embarrassing or hot occurs.

Fact: Everyone in Team Satisfaction has fluffy hair. :3

_Bai-baaaai!~ Thank you for reading!~_ :3


End file.
